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Largely stripped of the gendered power dynamic that informs traditional models of sugar baby-daddy relations, other dynamics blossom in their place – and in no place are these differences more evident than in the fantasies both parties choose to play out and along with.Īnd for Patrick, who comes from a working-class background and has been financially independent since he was 18, fantasy, as well as finance, matters. These relationships have versions as broad as you can imagine, though the common thread that binds them together is an indulgence in fantasy. Sugar gayby relationships, when compared to their cis-het counterparts, come with their own idiosyncracies. “You don’t want to shoot yourself in the foot by laying out a kind of guideline for this exchange if you are marketing yourself lower than what that sugar daddy had in mind for you anyway,” he says. Patrick, who has primarily found his daddies on (a website for daddies, mummies and babies to connect) doesn’t like to talk money or hard terms at first. The rules of engagement for sugar babies, however, and how these relationships come into being, naturally have more varied and liminal origins, with no set formula.
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He’s engaged a mixture of rent boys and sugar babies – the rent boys with pre-agreed upon terms and expenses to save time and manage expectations, and the sugar babies (or as he sometimes calls them “regulars”) beginning as the rent boys with straightforward money-for-sex quid pro quos, the inner workings we might be more familiar with. For a businessman like him, money creates a shorthand. As Adam, a somewhat cynical financier, who often views these relationships in similarly speculative, monied, and pragmatic terms tells me, “wallet love” – an induced state of pseudo-affection brought about by cold, hard cash – is “about efficiency”. “But actually when we strip it back, sugar babies are coming from a point of essentially just wanting to earn more money because they themselves don’t have it.”įor some, the sugar gayby-daddy relationship is one of convenience. “We presume sugar babies as this kind of luxurious body,” continues Patrick. Our enduring idea of the sugar baby possesses a glamour divorced from the reality that those seeking these arrangements are often in a position of financial precarity, born not out of a desire for such glamour and excess but out of necessity. These zeitgeist images have a pervasive effect: “We see sugar babies as above us, but really they’re not. “At first all sugar babies are vulnerable,” says Patrick. The reality for most people engaged in this enterprise is far from glittering, and littered with compromise. This is the lush, enduring image of the sugar baby, but how much of this rings true in the real world?
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The sugar baby of our imaginations, in the iconic words of Ms Petras, demands with every flick of their blinged-out wrist: “If I cannot get it right now, I don’t want it at all!” The relationship between daddy and baby is one imbued with a glossy romanticity by images such as these a fairy-tale dichotomy with our daddies – virile, mysterious, Mr Big types with bottomless pockets – on one end, and our babies – impatient, spoiled, designer shopping bags in tow – on the other, locked in a sexy, pouty, Fifty Shades-esque battle of wills over where the private jet should land. You only need to look at the icons of gay pop culture – from the OG daddy whisperer Lana Del Rey, to our most recently cannonified Kim Petras – for an insight into this phenomenon. Our bratty, patron saints of kept boys and girls, with their French-tip manicured, Hamptons-spiced auras, bestow such lucky creatures with shining, elevated status. The sugar gayby, according to Patrick, one twink I speak to who identifies as such, is “an aspirational vessel”.